Facebook, like most things in life, can be a joyous experience or a depressing one, depending on your perspective.  I’ve recently had several conversations about this topic and I have two tips to share for making your Facebook experience more joyous. 

1. It’s ok to block out negativity.  Actually, it's more than ok, it's wonderful.  The best way to stay positive and in the best frame of mind for growth is to block out negative influences. 

One of my friends was telling me that she skips through her Facebook feed to the positive posts to start out her day on a good note.  I was surprised that she had any negative ones, as I’ve hidden all of mine.  Anyone who is more likely to post a bad or depressing status is simply hidden from my feed or unfriended if I don’t have a reason that I may need to reach them in the future (such as family or coworkers). 

I have a connection whose posts were always so sad that I felt like Eeyore when I read them.  I hid her posts (and several others) and Facebook is not so emotionally draining anymore.   Don’t feel like you have to read those negative posts and rush in to save that person.  If they’re truly depressed or suicidal, encourage them to get help OFFLINE.  Don’t drown yourself in their bad energy, because it won’t help either one of you.  Send them positive thoughts/posts and support them with good stories and love instead.  And if they’re just being dramatic for the attention it gets them, rushing in to comment only encourages more drama.       

If you don’t know how to hide someone, it’s easy.  When they post a status, put your mouse over to the right and a little down arrow will appear.  Click on it and select Unsubscribe from.  You can also go to their Timeline and click on the Friends box over to the right.  If you want to Unfriend them, that’s at the bottom, but you can uncheck Show in News Feed to get rid of their posts and keep them as a friend.  They won’t know you’ve done that, but your feed will be empty of the negativity. 

2.  You can hide your posts from coworkers, bosses, family members, or anyone who might annoy or bother you. 

These days we're 'friends' with all sorts of people we're connected to but not truly friends with.  This causes us to have some uncomfortable situations with our sharing.  I recently got an email from a friend whose coworker seemed to be watching her Facebook posts extra closely.  She doesn’t post anything offensive or outrageous, but she was nervous about why she was getting this extra attention and wondered if the coworker was trying to use her personal information against her in some way.  I walked her through the process of restricting her privacy settings so that her coworker would only be able to see the things she wanted her to see. 

Here are the steps for you to do the same:
   1. Go to the top right corner on Facebook & click on the Dropdown Arrow. 
   2. Choose Privacy Settings. 
   3. Go to the bottom, to Manage Blocking.
   4. Add to your Restricted List is at the top, click on Edit List.  You can make a list of people who can't see you (if you want more than one to be limited).   Type the names & then select them when they come up. 
   5. Then go Back to Privacy. 
   6.  At the top, under Control Your Default Privacy, click on Custom. 
   7. Under Make this Visible, choose Friends. 
   8. Under Hide this From, Type Restricted & then select it when it comes up.  Now all your posts will be hidden from your Restricted list.  They won't know- they'll just think you're not posting anymore. 
   9. They can still see your wall and post to it, but none of your posts will show for them unless you change them. 
   10. If you want them to see one occasionally, you just click on the little wheel below the status bar and change it to Friends instead of Custom.  It only changes for that one status notice.  That way you completely control what is seen, by whom, and when. 
   11. You can also go into Timelines & Tagging (also on the Privacy Settings) to block them from seeing what other people post about you, too.  That's optional- depends on how much you want to shut her out.  Just select Custom on all the Who can see categories. 

I’m sure there are more ways to make it a better virtual world, so please share your tips in the comments. 

Finally, I make an effort to post inspirational, uplifting, helpful information and graphics everyday on my Facebook page, so come hang out!

Last night I had the pleasure of being interviewed by my good friend Susan, of Turning Point Personal Coaching Solutions about the benefits of playing more for adults. 

You can also sign up for my free ecourse, where I'll guide you through 14 days of playtime activities to delight and inspire you.

I have a confession to make.  I am completely addicted to crime solving/mystery/spy-type TV shows, like Psych, Lie To Me, The Mentalist, Burn Notice, and my latest infatuation- White Collar.  And as I was delightfully absorbing episodes of White Collar yesterday, I started thinking about the life lessons we could learn from these human chameleons.  (OK, maybe I was rationalizing my habit, but it’s still a valid lesson for me and maybe you need to hear it, too.) 

On White Collar, Neil is a master forger, world renowned thief, and general con man who escaped from a maximum security prison and now works as a consultant for the FBI (It’s like Catch Me If You Can, if you’ve seen that.)  Like any good con artist, he’s able to walk into any situation and adapt flawlessly to reach his goal.  There are three main skills that he employs constantly that I know I could learn from. 

1.  Complete confidence in his own abilities.  He noticed forged signatures based on a single hesitation mark that no one else would see.  He doesn’t make those hesitations.  He forges masterpieces with no fear that anyone know that they are fake.  He flashes a smile while pretending to be a delivery man, cop, millionaire, etc, and no one ever doubts him.  Meanwhile, so many of us doubt our abilities in our own jobs, where we’ve been trained, where we have experience, where we excel.  But we let fear and insecurity steal our confidence.  We let doubt sneak in and make us look less knowledgeable than we are. 

Take a clue from the con man and have confidence in yourself, even if you have to fake it at first.  A firm handshake, a strong voice, and a confident smile can take you further than you’ve imagined.  You deserve to have faith in yourself.  You work hard to be your best- accept that you are worthy and magnificent.  Your audience (coworkers/clients/boss) will believe it because you do.            

2.  He truly listens to people.  His interactions, even with complete strangers, are not the “Hi, How are you?”- now run along because I don’t really have time to hear your answer- way that many of us move through life.  It’s a deeper, “What are your dreams and aspirations?”, “What lights you up?”, “Who are you really?” way of listening; one that we all long to experience.  And by hearing those deeper messages- both spoken and unspoken- he’s able to tap into those desires and give people their wish in order to get what he wants from them. 

What if we really listened to our partners?  What if you didn’t have to wonder what to get them for an anniversary because you remember that 3 months ago they mentioned a dream of going on a hot-air balloon ride?  Or a concert that was coming up?  Would you have fewer arguments because you were in tune with their need for extra comfort or a bit of space because you heard it in their voice?  Would you hug more?  Would your sex life be better?             

3.  Attention to detail.  He remembers names of security guards and secretaries, notices what wine people order, sees what they love based on the memorabilia on their desk, and can tell you exactly what type of paper is used for specific currencies.  He caught another forger with two tiny little initials iAnd those details that so many of us ignore- they’re the real fabric of life. 

Imagine how much more joyful life might be with that sort of attention to detail.  If you greeted the receptionist by name when you go to the doctor, if you asked your coworker about the story of a great accessory she wears every day, if you brought in lunch for your boss from her favorite place.  If you pay attention to these little details, you’re bound to excite and surprise the people around you, and make your life more joyful because of all the smiles you’re collecting. 

I’ll keep doing more ‘research’ to see if there are any more lessons from this show and I’d love to have you share any you have in the comments.  Just don’t forge any great works of art, okay?   
           
If you are interested in rediscovering your confidence, please check out my Work page for more info on how we could work together.  Or go here to set up a free Fairy Godmother Session to dig into your dreams and see what magic we can find.  

Today makes 8 years since I moved into my village in Zambia, where I spent 3 years as a Peace Corps Volunteer in the Community Health Program.  It was Easter morning, so it was quiet there while everyone else was at church.  I was fresh out of my three-months of training and ready to start the new life I'd signed up for.  I was terrified to be there all alone, thousands of miles from home, to figure out the language and culture and start working at a job I wasn't sure I was ready for.  I was excited to try it out anyway and to make new friends.  Two years later, I signed on for an extra year, so I obviously fell in love with my job and with Zambia.  Clearly, that experience is one of the key events of my life and the impact on my growth and development is beyond words.  Today I am full of memories and gratitude for the friends I made and the gifts I gained.  I am especially grateful to the children who lived near me- they were extremely patient teachers of language and culture.  Even though I was a fully capable, able-bodied adult, I never would have survived village life without the help of children under the age of 12.  

 Here are just 10 of the lessons I learned there: 
1.  A storytelling circle is a priceless gift.  Gather ‘round the fire with your friends and share your stories.  Even if you’ve told them 100 times, it’s still so much better than the reruns you could watch instead.   Some of my best memories from the village are of those story times, even when I couldn't understand them, because the feeling in the circle was of love and community. 

2.  We are each individuals and deserve attention.  In Zambia, when you walk into a meeting, you go around and shake hands with each person and go through a greeting sequence with them, asking how they are and how their family is.  You don’t just wave hello at the whole bunch- that will be offensive and get you nowhere.  Back in American settings, I've found that instead of just plowing into asking someone something- like at the grocery store- if I first ask them how they are and really listen, it changes the experience.  It's more personal and connected and feels so much better.  

3.  A smile can still light up a room, even when you don’t speak the same language.  And a tremendous amount of your message can be conveyed with facial expressions.

4.  Share whatever you have.  I can't count the number of times I'd see two kids sharing one pair of shoes- each wearing one shoe.  There is no greater example of sharing than that.  And my neighbors always offered to share their food with me, no matter how little of it they had.  No matter how little I think I have, I ALWAYS have enough to share with someone else.    

5.  Make an honest effort.  In my meetings, my caveman Bemba normally got my message across (Boil water.  Wash Hands.  No diarrhea.) and there was always a translator to assist me when it wouldn't.  But, the fact that I showed that I was trying to learn the language and making a genuine effort was always well appreciated by my audience.  I always got shocked comments from people who were so moved that I'd tried, even though I murdered their language.  It's always worth it to try to use your skills, even when you're not yet an expert. 

6.  Imagination opens the whole world up for your exploration.  Zambian kids create the coolest toys.  They make their own soccer balls out of plastic grocery bags and string, make real moving toy cars out of juice boxes and flip flops, and use charcoal for chalk.  I was constantly in awe of their ability to create something out of nothing. 

7.  One woman's trash is another's treasure.  I know this is a clichéd statement, but I saw it for truth in the village.  I learned to look at my trash and at recycling in a whole new light.  I didn't throw away plastic bottles- I saved them to reuse or to share with my neighbors.  I even sent my charcoal brazier home with the kids every day after I finished cooking; because they used them to keep warm while they slept (I had enough blankets and preferred them).  The ashes then came back to me and went into my pit latrine to reduce odors.  Nothing wasted.   


8.  There is always room for joy.  Laugh, sing, dance.  My friends and neighbors in Zambia were not always well fed.  There were periods when the harvest was poor and they were starving or sick.  However, they were always laughing and singing and dancing.  If they can choose joy when they're dealing with so much, how can I not choose it just because I'm having some minor trial?  Also, any empty container or flat surface can be a drum.  There is never a good excuse not to dance.  

9.  You can find love in the most unexpected of places.  I met my husband in the market, in front of the used tires and miscellaneous metals.  It was over a year later that we started dating, but the market will always be special for us, since that's where we first met. 

10.  NOTHING tastes as good as fresh, warm peanut butter pounded with your own two hands. 

Thank you, Zambia!  You are always my second home and I'm so grateful for the multitude of blessings you gave me.  Thank you to all the beautiful people who are now part of my life and my heart because of that adventure!

If you need support in seeking out your dreams, please check out my Work page for more info on how we could work together.  Or got here for info about  a free Fairy Godmother Session to dig into your dreams and see what magics we can find.